Sweet Rest.

"Sweet Rest."

The sound of these two words as they roll of my lips sounds so good. So pure. So filled. Yet what does sweet rest look like? How often do I delight in it? How much do I take it for granted?

I like to sometimes pretend that I'm better at exhaling than I actually am. I'll tell others or worse, tell myself, that I'm really soaking in this whole idea of sweet rest. You know, the kind of rest where you disappear for a weekend to little nooks of a cozy coffee house simply to read, mediate, pray, and enjoy the splurge of one too many coffees. The kind of rest where you turn your phone off, put your computer in a locked case so you can't even be tempted to get it out, and simply just sit to breathe. The kind of rest where you take an extra long walk out by the lake, listening to your favorite of Ben Rector or Colbie Calliat, while you just soak in the sunshine and purposefully try to get lost. The kind of rest where you give up working on lesson plans, grading papers, or planning labs, so you can have an extended lunch with a close friend, simply sharing your hearts. The kind of rest where you take a road trip to visit family for no particular reason except for the fact that you miss them and want to be in their company, and you spend the entire afternoon playing outside, sleeping in, and watching sunsets with a cold beer in hand by a fire. The kind of rest where you sit out on your balcony just diving into the Word, just talking with God about really anything, and for that time, time itself doesn't exist. It's just you, Him, pure stillness and meditation...and a cold diet coke sitting next to you.

When I think of sweet rest, that's what I think of. Everything above and more. Last night, as I sat at Urban Dog coffee, reflecting on my day, unwinding with a coffee and my feet up on the couch, I wondered silently to myself: "Why don't I do this more often?" And so as I sit now in the peace and quiet of my over-sized classroom, soaking in some quiet and allowing the Lord to prepare my heart for the kiddos I have who are about to tumble through my door in 20 minutes, I continue to ponder this question. When these kids come through my door, I am blessed. They are beyond a blessing in my life and I love them with every fabric of my being. With them they bring not only their mind and intellect, but their heart, their fears, their anxieties, their struggles, their hopes, their dreams, their drama, their curiosities, and their feelings. And they drop it off, right at the foot step of my door. My job is not a job-it is an opportunity to love. I have been given the opportunity to love 125 children every single day. Though this of course brings with it exhaustion and frustration at times. It brings with it hurdles and hoops to jump through. It brings with it experiences and situations I was never prepared for in college.

At the end of the day, I know the Lord is calling me to this sweet rest. He is calling me to rejuvenate my energy in Him. He is calling me to lay down before Him any and all struggles I may have encountered throughout my day. Any obstacles or frustrations. He calls me to lay down my joys and laughs that I gathered throughout the day. All of those moments of pure joy and feelings of victory, feelings of progress and growth. He asks for it all. And in return, He offers sweet rest and He desires to fill me with it, surround me with it, soak me in it. Yet how often do I extend my hand out and actually accept this sweet kind of rest? How often do I say "Thank you Lord, I will take this and delight in it." How often do I respond to this rest?

Thinking back on my days lately, though I hate to admit it, my response has been poor. Instead of delighting in it, I put it as the very last thing on my list for the day. I always fool myself, thinking I'll get around to it, but of course I allow all other things to get in the way. Instead of making sweet rest a necessity and a priority, I make it a check list at the bottom of my to-do list, as if it had the same value or importance as "run to Target," "plan for the trip," "clean tub."
Writing it out like that I literally sit here and laugh-at myself! How could I ever think that any of those things compared to the pure joy that can be found, and that is found, when we take time to rest in Jesus?

"Sweet Rest." Two simple words. So pure and so filled. Yet how often do I delight in it? How often do you delight in it, the way God meant for us to delight in it?

A Life to Live and Love

Looking back on the past 6 1/2 months-from when I first started Teach for America summer institute, until now when I find myself at home over winter break grading my students' first semester finals-I truly cannot say that I am completely the same person. Then again, how could I expect myself to be? When May 31st rolled around, I was a recent graduate of SMU, a diploma in hand, an empty apartment ready to be moved into, a car jammed packed of my life belongings, a new wardrobe of "real world" clothes, and a journey of which I knew absolutely nothing of what it would hold. Now, over half a year later, I am a 6th grade Science teacher at Infinity Preparatory, where I spend the majority of the hours in a day. My days no longer consist of running to and from college seminars, lunches on the boulevard, or late night chats at the Chi O house. Rather my days are filled with 125 energetic children, 6:30 AM coffee runs with my partner-in-crime Hannah, after school tutoring and honors program, lab coats and experiments, white boards and dry erase markers, parent-teacher meetings, 12 hour school days, elements and compounds, life lessons and crucial conversations, grading up to my neck, lesson planning, certification and training classes, mid-day sonic runs, lunch conversations filled with middle school gossip and drama, and soon-to-be, after school track practice. You may be asking yourself: that's an incredible overload of just about everything. Can you actually enjoy life in the midst of all of that craziness?

The answer is simple....I LOVE my life. To say that I simply "enjoy" life would be a slimming understatement.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely loved my college days. I wouldn't trade them for anything and so many of my most precious moments have come from those four glorious years. Nonetheless, I wouldn't trade what I'm doing now for anything in this world. God has never made it more clear that where I am right now is exactly where I need to be. I have no idea what God has in store for me after my TFA experience wraps up or where He will take me. But what I do know is that the opportunity He has given me to love on, serve, mentor, guide, and teach 125 children, is a gift that cannot be summed up in words. It is a blessing that cannot be described through simple thoughts. When I wake up at 5:30 AM every morning, I know I have a purpose in this life. I know I have a reason to go do what I do and I have 125 bright-eyed smiles and curious sets of eyes awaiting me. It is a humbling yet all to crazy cool experience. To be needed and wanted by these children. Though let's be honest: they don't NEED me. I have simply been put in this classroom and in this school, to be used by God. And so with the time I have, and this time I do not take for granted, no matter how tired my feet and my body may be at the end of the day, I will do one simple thing: I will teach. And through teaching I will love my kids. For I know that before we care about anything that anyone teaches us, we must know that we are cared for. At least that's how I operate :)

I came across the path of many people who encouraged me to re think my decision to do TFA. I heard all the reasons in the book of why I shouldn't do it. Why law school would be the better choice. To think what my life would be like now had I listened to them? My life is what is today because of where I am and the people I am surrounded by, especially my kids. I was sent into the classroom to be, as I was told by my TFA community, to be a leader and a changing agent for the lives of these kids. But to be completely honest-it's them who have been the changing agents for me. It is the most humbling experience I have ever had.

A classroom of children has the ability to change your entire perspective on life. It's something I am continuing to experience and continuing to try and wrap by head around, but it's true nonetheless. Sometimes I think we get trapped, thinking we have experienced truly what it means to "fully love" our lives. But as the Lord is showing me more and more each day through the lives of these kiddos, there is so much more joy to be found in life that we have yet to discover.